My PhD in book titles…
From top to bottom :
- Freakish economics
- At times : eating, being droopy faced from over-eating, but loving it
- Born Free – to be as eccentric as you wish
- Becoming a delhi walla. . esply wrt food
- No explanation needed – the book title says it all
- Your life seems like a great golden sacrifice.. with as many side-tracks & masala stories as the Mahabharata
- At the end of it all, the whole thing feels worthy of being labeled ‘history’ & penning it down!
What do you think getting a Dr. prefix to your name without seeing human/animal anatomy involves?
All you (yes, you), who go around saying PhD involves getting paid (whatever ‘little’ amount) for staring at ceilings, walls, computer screens and whiteboards..
Please do realize that the title comes after enough hard work – of great variety – some of them physical, even menial.
For instance, a PhD just might involve you rolling up your pants, getting down on to your knees, and mopping water off the lab floor at 1:30am – after a stupid leaking air-conditioner decides to remind you how a swimming pool (minus the blue color tiles) looks like, considering the fact that you have this habit of spending all your waking hours inside this rectangular room called lab which incidentally lacks a swimming pool.
Then washing your hands like a maniac – thrice with green gooey super-dilute soap solution that the department restroom stocks & twice with deep pore cleansing facial cleanser (for oily skin, of course) that costs just a little more than Rs300 for 295ml!
And still feeling like you just might have contracted AIDS or Swine Flu from touching the competitively filthy mopping cloth & bucket!!
I know for a fact that mine does involve such stuff. Proof witnessed (for the 2nd time, if you care about reproducable evidence) not more than 20mins ago.
So, stay warned. You might not think of such romantic nights when you sign up for that PhD programme.
And if you had witnessed anything more menial than this, please do let the author know – just for the sake of her not feeling too lonely or unique.
Warning : This is one hell of an arrogant & obnoxious post. If you feel like feeling offended, stop reading right now! (Did you notice that I did not even say ‘Please’ or ‘Kindly’?)
Myth#1 : A PhD is extended school “studies” – extended beyond tolerable limits!
Truth : I am NOT cramming books, writing suicide provoking answers in exams or submitting half-baked assignments every week here! And please, post-doc is NOT undergraduate courses extended to the limit! Anyone asking “For just how many more years do you intend to keep studying??” in spite of me politely explaining a dozen times that “I am not studying in the school sense, rather researching”, is asking to be pushed under the wheels of an auto-rickshaw at the very next opportune moment!
Myth#2 : Research is boring!
Truth : If it was, none of the researchers from Galileo to ‘Venki’ Ramakrishnan would have done what they did. Can you imagine life without electricity? Medicine? Aircrafts? Cars? Satellite TV? Computers? That beloved iPad? Or that inseparable mobile phone? If not, you better dare not call research boring!
Myth#3 : CS researchers sit at a dark corner of an attic/basement/garage 24×7 typing away to a computer that has a blinking screen with black background & green font.
Truth : We do sit typing away to a computer for long periods of time. But so do you. After all, YOU are the one at the other end of the chat session on google chat! 😛
Myth#4 : CS researchers write scary C++/Java code every waking minute. If you print the amount of code all CS researchers in this world churn out, you’d need to borrow cupboard space from Jupiter.
Truth : I don’t remember the last time I wrote 3000 lines of code. Actually, I do – it was an assignment that I did wrong. CS researchers – most of them, most often – think more, code less! And they do NOT remember every bit of syntax of every programming language and can NOT debug your code in less than 5 minutes!
Myth#5 : Feel the urge to hack into that frienemy’s GMail/Orkut account? Call that CS researcher (yes, the one swimming in caffeine in that dark corner of that attic)
Truth : Too late. You should have asked a teenage me – that was when I lost interest in hacking. Or please ask one of those “techies” around who blog only about how to get a piece of software to do what it was not designed to do! No offense to “techies”. . but please spare me these hacking requests. Hacking no longer arouses me!
Myth#6 : Need an antivirus software? Or need to purge your laptop of the zillion viruses that you have managed to attract? Call that jobless CS PhD student.
Truth : That jobless CS PhD student might just be so outdated with anything that concerns Microsoft Windows that she now fumbles to navigate the Office 2007 interface! Shocking, but true. Sad, but true. Come to terms with it. Or delete my contact details from your phone. Please. Right away.
Myth#7 : Researchers read loads of books. All these books have complicated scary formulae printed 5 per page. Or it could be huge diagrams or graphs or rows and rows of numbers with 8 digits after the decimal point. Apart from hundreds of pages of text that sounds swahili, that is.
Truth : Neither Ashok Banker’s Ramayana nor “How To Rule The World: A Handbook For The Aspiring Dictator” has any of those. Sorry to disappoint you.
Myth#8 : That PhD student is busy at all times of the day because she is busy attending classes. After all, there would be more course work for higher ‘degree’s.
Truth : Actually, please continue believing that. Saves me a lot of pointless talk which generally involves countering the questions “When would you finish that PhD?”, “When would you come over to meet us?” and “When do you plan to get married?” with subtly sarcastic replies which you wouldn’t get most of the time!
WARNING : Long post ahead! May not make much sense to laymen (yep, we super smug researchers like to call the rest of the world that).
A question that I am asked (too) often :
“When the hell are you going to complete that PhD of yours?”
That’s a question which has been eliciting different non-chalant replies – “God Knos”, “Come on.. I’ve just started & talk about completion?!”, “Is that of any concern to the general good of the universe?”, “When my supervisor can tolerate me no more & kicks me out”.
But when a sweet Prof casually asked “So, when do you intend to start writing your thesis?” in the lift, I blinked!
I blinked, blinked again & finally blurted out “End of the year” & quickly add “that’s what supervisor wants”.
He smiled & asked, “When do you want to?”
I blinked, blurted out something, continued to blink & was left blinking while he left the lift on his floor.
Tadaa. . one of those “eye-opener” moments. . The only problem being that the opened eyes refused to close for a while, even to blink!
So, one question that I have been asking myself since :
“When am I ready to ‘complete’ my PhD?”
A check-list :
1. Have I learnt to really appreciate research?
Around 3yrs back, when I was asked in the PhD admission interview “Why do you want to do a PhD in CS?”, my answer was “Because I am passionate about Computer Science research”.
Today, my answer would be “Because I am passionate about research, and CS seems to be my pet research area”.
Thanks to an advisor who was & still is more interested in pushing me to think more about the exploit-the-physics part of my current research topic, I today find myself enamoured by research problems in any field. There is that zoom out effect – from focusing on just CS problems to finding problems everywhere and finding beauty in them.
So, yes, I have learnt to really appreciate research in a wholesome sense.
Point 1 – Check.
2. Have I learnt how to keep alive that passion for research & rise above disillusionment?
Enter PhD with this utopian expectation of “next few years dedicated to research, problem solving, excitement”
One year into it : You feel “Oh, it’s not all green grass here”.
Finish course work & plunge into “pure research” : You know “It’s NOT green grass here”
And it comes with the freebies – crazy deadlines, TA work, work that seems to pile up in burst mode, frustrating duties as a TA , seeing the dynamics of the proferssors’ lives – not really free of monotony, boredom or absurdities, suicide-prompting ‘duties’ as a TA (I know, that’s an intentional repetition), etc etc etc.
Worst of all : Days, and sometimes weeks pass without an iota of research happening. Either for the lack of time or for the lack of mood/peace of mind. Or both. That hits at the very foundation of the “Oh, research in academia is intellectual bliss” notion.
The next time you get that stretch of few hours sans disturbance when you can really find/attack a problem at peace, all the disillusionment gets undone.
The trick seems to be keeping this cycle’s period as short as possible. By hook or crook.
For instance, going AWOL & being nocturnal for a week, staying away from lab and allowing yourself to get obsessed with a problem – not necessarily urgent/useful towards your thesis seems to work. Wonderfully.
So, yes, I can negate disillusionment & re-spark that passion for research whenever necessary.
Point 2 – Check.
3. Have I learn to come out of utopia when necessary & be practical in research?
Being a person who is prone to getting obsessed with one problem, however unimportant it may seem, I sometimes need to be shaken awake to be able to see the bigger picture.
Has that been done? Yes, quite often.
Would it need to be done by an external force in future? Perhaps, but not much.
I have learnt to “let go” of a problem when it doesn’t seem to lead anywhere for a while.
Point 3 – Check.
4. Have I learnt the importance of going back to fight with I had “let go” long back?
Whenever I find myself saying “Yes, that is an interesting idea, but I explored it 2 yrs back and it did not work out”, I almost always find myself getting more insights of the issue/solving the issue when I go back to the problem again. Don’t know if I get wiser with age or the problem gets easier with time! Guess the problem just gets marinated long enough at the back of my mind & becomes soft enough to bite through.
A lesson learnt long back, and reinforced recently.
I should start a “failed ideas” diary & note down all the ideas I “let go” of & flip through it once a year or so.
Point 4 – Check.
5. <More such “have I learnt”s about attitude towards research, which are too many to list>
Point 5 – Check.
6. Have I had time to think, introspect, and “take it slow” that I now believe that I would not feel that my life as a PhD student was ‘incomplete’?
Absolutely. Had the luxury of a supervisor making the mistake of saying, once, “Take time, learn. There’s no hurry to produce results for a while.” and exploited that statement to the fullest.
The “a while” got extended to “quite a while” to “a long time”, but in the process, learnt to enjoy life inclusive of “work”. Learnt to explore & be adventurous – both in research and otherwise. Learnt not to be a workaholic. I know, that’s debatable according to ppl who know me, but please believe me, I am not a workaholic. 😉
Point 6 – Check.
7. Have I learnt to face the necessary but boring evils in research without sulking (much) – namely writing papers, preparing presentations (conforming to certain ‘rules’) etc?
I think so. Yet to be confirmed.
Point 7 – Half check.
8. Do I have the ‘results’ to flaunt & demand that tag of “Doctor of Philosophy”?
Not yet. But I have a feeling that’s the easier part, once the rest is covered.
Point 8 – Pending.
Wow. . More than 81% (tentative) coverage. Good going. [Pats her back]
Tentative – cos there might be (should be) more metrics to judge how “ready” one is to complete a PhD.
If I want to boost that coverage number (as a true blue engineer), I would have to add the following points to the check-list :
- Do I want to eat real food, without having to go through the trouble of going to restaurants? YES. Check.
- Do I badly, badly want a washing machine & instant geyser of my own? YES. Check.
- Do I want a scooty? YES. Check.
- Am I fed up with that part of TA work which needs me to answer questions like “If I change that file, and something goes wrong, then?? [scandalized look]”, but not with “The world will come to an end. Please don’t trigger an apocalypse”? – YES. Check
That pulls up the coverage to 87.5%. Awesome.
Any additions? Especially to the non-bonus point in the check-list?