Questions better not asked..
To a Computer Engineer by qualification :
Qn : “You type so fast. . Did you attend typing classes?”
How I wish I could say : Yes.. I did not waste the months I spent inside my mom’s womb.
Qn : “Come on. . You are doing a Ph.D in Computer Science. . What good are you if you can’t repair my laptop’s broken ethernet port?”
How I wish I could say : You are right. I am never going to graduate this way. I am a useless arse. Let me go hang myself.
To a (sadly) not-so-stereotypical south indian in north india :
Qn : “You are south-indian. . Why are you eating rotis instead of rice?”
How I wish I could say : Genetic Mutation. But I’m sorry. . I never knew that south-indians are not allowed to eat rotis for lunch. When did they make that amendment to the Indian constitution?
Continued Qn : “You don’t eat idlis also. . How come?”
How I wish I could say : Unfortunately, I don’t eat weapons of mass destruction.
Qn : “You are south-indian. . How come you don’t speak the “Ek Chatur Naar” way – Mehmood-style?”
How I wish I could say : Gosh Ayyo Ayyo. . That hindi teacher be damned .. She never told me that I have to develop an exaggerated stupid accent to prove my linguistic identity.
To a bibliophile..
Qn : “How do you read so many books without falling asleep?”
How I wish I could say : Sigh.. What to do? Insomnia.
Qn : “You even eat with a book in hand and headphones on. . You don’t talk much right?”
How I wish I could say : Kudos to your powers of observation. Yes. I try as much as possible to avoid being asked/hearing/answering such questions. . Today is one of my bad days.
To an amateur photographer :
Qn : “You clicked that photograph?…….. I mean, YOU clicked that photograph?”
How I wish I could say : Well.. I know it is difficult to believe.. I may LOOK mentally & visually challenged. . But the situation is not too bad you know..
Qn : “Did you click that photo using a mobile phone camera?”
How I wish I could say : God, take me NOW! I can’t stand such cruelty.